


All in our heads| Tommy Conlon x reader

by Clairecrive



Category: Warrior (2011)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Long, Overthinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:08:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clairecrive/pseuds/Clairecrive
Summary: Despite being in our heads, insecurities can assume a physical form and find they're way to plague our lives. We just have to learn to deal with them and that's what you and Tommy are called to do.
Relationships: Reader & Other(s), Tommy Conlon/Reader, Tommy Conlon/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	All in our heads| Tommy Conlon x reader

**Author's Note:**

> Spoiler: this is super long and super angsty. Sorry in advance for all the feels, hope you like it tho :)

They had a wonderful night. The long-overdue dinner she had arranged with her friends had been a success. Everyone had fun and by the looks they gave her, y/n knew that they all loved Tommy. They only had been going out for a couple of months but she knew that if he couldn't coexist with her friends, he wasn't the right one. However, she couldn't help but let the fuzzy feeling the comfort her friends gave her be shimmered down by a nasty thought. At first, y/n thought it was all in her head. It wasn't that Frances was all over Tommy, it was just the way she was. And no, Tommy wasn't into her, he was just being polite by engaging in a conversation with her. A conversation that lasted almost all night but whatever. It was all in her head. 

So when Frances had stumbled out of the bar and almost fell on her face and Tommy was quick to grab her, y/n didn't think anything of it. And neither did she oppose when Frances asked him for a lift home. She did live closer to Tommy and Olivia, who was driving, would have had to make an almost half an hour drive to bring her home.

However, now that it had come the time to say goodbye, y/n wasn't feeling so sure in letting them go home alone. But it had already been all said and done and she didn't want to appear clingy. She trusted Tommy. What was nagging her, was that she also knew Frances. And yes, they were friends but she was known to be the flirty one of the group. That didn't necessarily mean that she'd actively flirted with their boyfriends but y/n and the other girls could never tell if she was just being herself or was really interested in the guy. And what if Tommy ended up liking her? Y/n didn't think that Frances was Tommy's type but she also didn't believe attraction to be an exact science.

Eyes on their retreating silhouettes, y/n quickly went over their interactions at dinner and concluded that maybe she wasn't exaggerating after all.

"She wants him." Keeping her eyes on them, she talked to her friends that were behind her. She was starting to regret her decision to let Tommy bring Frances home. However, she knew that without trust, this relationship was doomed to fail even before it started.

"He doesn't though. That's what you need to focus on." Olivia's hand patted her shoulder to reassure her and letting out a sigh, y/n turned around knowing she was right.

She had to trust that nothing would happen between him and Frances, she told herself. Thinking back to the night, she got over every bit of his interaction with her to see if there was anything she'd missed that could prove to her that she was just overreacting. Frances was the kind of girl that loved to be at the centre of the attention, especially male's ones. Tommy was attractive, it was obvious to everyone except for him maybe, but y/n knew that Frances liked him. She had been onto him all night long. Sitting in front of him, she had managed to keep him in an exclusive conversation with her since the moment they sat down. Sat on his right, y/n had been an involuntary witness. Now, of course, she hadn't been focused on them the whole night. She had gone out to enjoy some time with her friends after all. But she could see the malicious twinkle in Frances'eyes every time she looked at him. The subtle smirk on her face when she'd say something that had drawn even the littlest of chuckles from Tommy. He wasn't the talkative type so she did most of the talking but, thinking back to it now, y/n knew that he had kept his eyes on her for the entirety of their conversation. He was drawn to her, y/n realized in horror.

Tommy wasn't one to show his feelings or emotion vocally but it was the little things that gave him away. And listening to you and paying attention, were some of the ways he'd show that he was interested.

How could she have not noticed that he was into her? 

Climbing into her friend's car, y/n also came to another disheartening realisation: Tommy hadn't spared her a glance. She had dolled up for him, trying to look cute for him she had put together a daring outfit that was out of her comfort zone. She had opted for a see-through white hoodie and a lacy black bra paired with tight black jeans and heeled black boots. It wasn't her go-to kind of look but she'd chosen it to (maybe) get a reaction out of him. Usually, Tommy was always ready to shower her with compliments whenever they'd go out. She didn't know, however, that it'd be pointless since all Tommy had had eyes for that night was Frances.

Becka shook y/n a little to get her attention. They were in front of her house and she hadn't even noticed. Thanking Olivia for the ride home, y/n numbly made her way out of the car and eventually into her house. She got ready for bed since it was almost two in the morning, but deep down y/n knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep if she didn't talk with Tommy first. 

She tried to, mind you. She got into the bed, tucked herself into the sheets, tried to focus on the fresh smell of the sheets, she even tried to count the sheep, but nothing worked. She needed to know, otherwise, she'd spend the night tossing and turning. Tommy had sent her a text to let her know that he had arrived home safe and sound like he usually did. So y/n knew he was home, she just hoped that he wouldn't mind too much being woken for this. If he even heard the phone ringing, that is.

"What's going on?" Luckily for her, he did. His voice was filled with tiredness and as she feared, she had woken him up. 

"Everything alright with Frances?"

"Yeah," his voice trailed and the sound of shuffling filled her ears, " you called me at two in the morning to ask me that?"

"Well, not exactly," clearing her voice, she thought it best to stop batting around the bush. Speaking with Tommy had never been a problem for her. Not even in the beginning when she barely knew him. However, she was now finding it incredibly hard to ask him a simple question.

"Y/n?"

"Do you like her, Tommy?" The words tipped out of y/n's mouth before she could second-guess herself.

"What?"

"You know what? This is stupid, forget it. I'm sorry I woke you up, goodnight Tommy," y/n backfired quickly ending the call. Letting the phone fall at her side, she was now beginning to regret calling him. Did she get the answer she needed? No. Did it change anything? No, apart from the fact that she was now feeling stupid too. Calling him in the middle of the night just because she was feeling self-conscious and feared that he liked another girl? C'mon y/n, you know better.

Great, as if the situation wasn't already ideal, she had started talking to herself too. From good to better. All this mental activity and self-fustigation were proving to be good at something for she was starting to doze off. However, as her eyes fluttered close and her breath was about to settle, a noise startled her. A noise she knew too well: little stones were being thrown at her window. Someone was trying to get her attention and despite her almost asleep state, she knew who it was.

Only stopping to get her coat, y/n hurriedly got out of her house hoping that no one had heard the noise. She didn't care that she was in her pyjamas with most certainly crazy hair, she could only think of getting out of this terrible cold and inside Tommy's car.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you. You call me in the middle of the night when I know for a fact that you sleep like a log. I got worried."

"You didn't have to, Tommy. This could have waited 'till morning."

"Could it?"

"I acted on impulse, alright? I was thinking about it and I needed to know, that's why I called you."

"Why were you thinking about it?" But y/n was tired of getting around it, she was saying the truth when she told him that she needed to know. So she asked him a question of her own.

"Do you?"

"Do I what, y/n?" It seemed that Tommy still wanted to play games, however, she was having none of it. With a pointed look, she silently asked him to stop playing around.

Shuffling in his seat, Tommy nervously scratched his beardless face before scrolling his shoulders and muttering a quiet no. But it didn't convince y/n in the least.

"Do you find her attractive?" She insisted, noticing how uncomfortable Tommy was. She fought against the little voice inside her head that was taking all these little gestures of his as proof. Until he confessed with words, there was still a chance that she could have misread the whole situation. She felt pathetic for hanging so tightly onto a slight possibility, but whatever. The game was still on.

"Why are you asking me this, y/n?"

"Why are you avoiding the question, Tommy?"

For a while, they just stared at each other. Y/n with a slight accusation in her eyes while Tommy looked like a scared kitten. He didn't know what to do. He felt put on the spot and didn't know how to react. This was why he didn't do relationships. They were messy and complicated. But then again, she was asking a simple question and trusting him enough that he would tell the truth. Tommy, on the other hand, knew that he couldn't do that. If he did, it would only cause troubles and his life was already complicated as it was.

"I saw how you were looking at her tonight," she started, hoping that by taking the lead he'd be prompted in answering her question earnestly as well, " and then how you let her touch you and how your hands were all over her too." Looking away and staring at her feet that were suddenly so interesting, she tried to find the right words to express her thoughts. "I always thought you were a private guy. Reserved and not very affectionate. People show their affection in different ways and so I thought that yours were not the touchy type. You never complain when I shower you with affection so I accepted this as the way our relationship was." "But, you have never touched me the way you touched her tonight."

"She was drunk and could barely stand on her feet," he defended himself.

"Are you saying that that's the only way you'll ever touch me or is it just an excuse to avoid telling me that the reason why you're not touching me is that you're not attracted to me?" Her tone got sharper as she kept speaking, her head whipped towards him. But again, she got no response. Tommy did only stare back at her.

"Look, Tommy," sighing she continued, " you can't really control who you're attracted to, right?" She stared back at him, "I just want to know."

"You're right, I'm not very affectionate. Not in the normal sense, anyway." "And yes, I think she's attractive." "My hands were not all over her tho', I was just helping her out."

Now that she had got what she wanted, she should feel accomplished. However, she was left feeling only more confused. He admitted that he did find her attractive but that wasn't why he had touched her. Maybe the last point was true, maybe she had exaggerated a little. But there was still the fact that he liked her.

"Is this why you were so into her during dinner?"

"She talked and I listened, that's it." 

She scoffed. "You've only had eyes for her Tommy, can you at least admit that?"

"That ain't true, she was in front of me, where was I supposed to look?"

"I was at your side Tommy, not that far away." she muttered before asking, "Did you like my outfit?"

"It was nice." But she knew he was lying.

"What was I wearing?" Y/n insisted, if there was something she hated, it was liars.

"Y/n c'mon, I never remember what you wear." He groaned trying to come out of this clean.

"Maybe, but you always tell me I'm beautiful." she smiled shyly tearing her eyes away from him, feeling a little stupid after saying that.

"You always look beautiful, y/n. You don't need me to say it." Chuckling with mirth, she shook her head, reading through the lines of what he was saying.

"You can't remember because you didn't look at me, Tommy. Not even once during the whole evening." she pointed out. Tommy, again, didn't deny nor confirm but at this point, he didn't need to. 

Nodding to herself, she stared at her hands curled on her lap. Now that the truth was out, she needed to make a choice. Stay with him and convince herself that nothing really happened or part ways with him. The thing in itself could be perceived as something small and not worthy of a break-up, this much y/n knew. Of course, you can't expect your partner to not find other women or men attractive just because they were in a relationship. And she had been honest when she told him that we can't control who we're attracted to. And yeah, that tickled her biggest insecurity but it didn't bother her that much. She wouldn't break up with him solely for that. What did bother her though, was that this attraction he felt was, in some way, getting in the way of their relationship. He wasn't attracted to some Instagram model, Frances was part of Y/n's group. And even if Tommy had said that he was just helping her out and that's why he had touched her, y/n couldn't ignore the fact that, for whatever reason, he had never really touched her. Were the two things connected? She didn't know, she could only speculate because Tommy hadn't answered her. Was it possible that she was just overreacting? That this was just how he was and she was creating a problem where there wasn't one because she couldn't ask him something that she knew he couldn't give her and then construct a case on the fact. But was it what she was doing? Or were her concerns legitimate? 

Tommy shifting slightly on his seat brought y/n back. She was overthinking this. The only way she could sort this out was by talking to him. Turning her head slightly she peeked at him from the corner of her eyes. She knew that Tommy wasn't a talker and she had a feeling that she wouldn't get much more out of him tonight. It was getting late or well early, anyway so maybe it was best to discuss this again after a night's sleep.

"Thank you for coming by, Tommy. And for your honesty but I think it's best if we save this for tomorrow." Her voice startled him a bit, he was also lost in his thoughts. Y/n then went to open the car door to get out of it just as his hand reached out to hers.

"Wait," Tommy's voice halted her and he waited for her to turn around before speaking again, "are we good?" The honesty and the innocence of the question made her heart tighten and she wanted nothing more than to tell him that everything was fine. But he had been honest with her so she owed him the same treatment.

"I don't know," y/n whispered reluctantly looking into his eyes. She went to get out again but he pulled her gently to him before she could.

"At least give me a kiss," he muttered shyly while his eyes flickered to her lips. He knew that she was hurt and still hadn't made up her mind about what to do, but at the same time, he knew that if she kissed him it meant that she wasn't that mad and that things were going to be alright eventually. So when she just stroked his cheek gently, looking at his lips with what he recognised as longing, and then pulled away from him, he felt his breath get stuck in his lungs. She hadn't allowed herself to kiss him. Otherwise, she would have forgiven him too quickly. But this matter was important and she needed to sort her head out and understand how she felt about it before she could allow him to swap her off her feet with a kiss.

Watching her walk back to her house, Tommy knew that things were about to get rocky. He felt like this was his fault but at the same time, he felt clean enough to say that he hadn't done anything. He did think that Frances was attractive but he hadn't acted out on the feeling. Yes, thinking about it, he could see why y/n said that he had only had eyes for her at dinner. Was it because he was pulled to her? Not exactly. The girl had talked his ears off all evening and the only reason why he put up with it was that y/n was sitting right beside him. Anchoring him, calming him. If there was something y/n had gotten right was that he wasn't affectionate. He very rarely would wrap his arm around her, or hold her hand in his or put his hand on her thigh when they were sitting next to each other but it wasn't because he was too taken by Frances that he didn't even notice y/n beside him. In all fairness, Tommy had never thought that she'd want him to do something like that. Y/n was very shy and reserved too so when they'd walk together or stand close to each other, she would keep her distance so he took it as a sign that told him that she didn't want to be touched. It seemed like they both thought the same thing and instead of respecting the other's boundaries like they thought they were doing, they were only driving each other apart. 

Tommy had a half mind to get out of the car and make her come down again but looking at the time on the dashboard, he thought against it. Tomorrow was almost here anyway, he could wait another couple of hours. Pulling out of her driveway, he knew that sleep wasn't an option anymore. Better to put this time to use and think about the right words to say, he guessed.

The following day

They say that night brings good counsel. It certainly didn't bring sleep to either of them. Y/n couldn't help but overthink the whole situation trying to figure out if she could work this out with him or if this was one of those things she wasn't willing to accept. On the other side, Tommy had spent the night trying to think of the next step. Even though he thought he hadn't done anything wrong, he was smart enough to know that he was in a tough spot. He didn't regret telling the truth because he knew that y/n deserved it and that she'd be more willing to work it out if he was. However, no matter if honesty was the best policy, it still had some repercussions. He could only hope that they weren't irreparable. 

So, his whole working out routine was spent thinking. He knew that he cared about her and that being in a relationship meant that there would be some rough times. And while he hadn't expected them to happen so early in the relationship, he still thought that y/n was worth the hassle that the inevitable confrontation would bring. It was now around lunchtime and he still hadn't come up with a speech. 

Since it was Thursday, he knew that she'd be leaving university in about an hour. He wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible, Tommy didn't want to get used to the heavy feeling that had taken over his heart since last night, so he opted for picking her up. Luckily he had enough time to go back home, change and still make it on time for the end of her lessons.

And he did make it on time, he was even early so he got out of the car and leaned on its hood to wait for her- this way he was sure that y/n would see him. There wasn't a bell that went off, signalling to everyone that the day was over. Maybe it was because the lessons had so many different timetables that it was impossible to stay behind them all. Tommy didn't know any of y/n's classmates so when he started seeing people walking out of the building, he couldn't guess if y/n was about to come out too. Oh well, he thought, he'll have to wait and look out for her. He kept his eyes on the crowd and felt himself cringe when they fell onto Frances' face. He was about to look away and hide in his car but it was too late, she spotted him. She instantly smiled at him and made her way over to him while Tommy looked frantically over her shoulders hoping, praying, not to see y/n. 

Time was not his best friend today though, because as soon as he tore his eyes away from the crowd to greet Frances that was now in front of him , y/n walked out of the building and was making her way towards where they were standing since Tommy had parked right in front of the University entry. He had done it so that he wouldn't miss her walking out but now that things weren't going according to plan, he actually regretted the choice. Y/n was talking with Olivia so she didn't immediately see them. Of course, she was bound to and when she did she stopped dead in her tracks. 

She... she didn't know what to think. They had parted on the shared thought of talking the following day but she hadn't expected him to come to pick her. If he even had come for her because by the look of it, it didn't seem so. Maybe she really had been stupid in letting him off the hook partly and even considering staying with him. She tried to not make a big deal out of his attraction to Frances thinking that it was somewhat normal but now? Seeing them together? She found that she couldn't just walk past this. They needed to address this problem and talk it through, however... did they really have to? Wasn't it clear enough that Tommy was interested in Frances? At this point, what good does it do to talk? He had made his decision, it seems.

"Y/n..." Olivia warned her. She knew her friend well and looking at her staring at the couple, she was certain of what she was thinking. And while she found the whole situation a bit disturbing and unusual, she knew that Tommy did care for y/n and that the only way to solve this was to talk it through. But by the look on her face, it seemed that y/n had already made her mind up .

"You have to distract them," y/n instructed her.

"What?"

"Please, I can't do this right now. I need to walk past them without them seeing me." Yes, Olivia thought that this wasn't the best way to deal with the situation but y/n was her best friend, and she'd always support her. 

"Okay," she conceded, "but just so you know, I do not approve of this," she let her know before instructing her to meet her at the car. And then Olivia turned around and walked toward Tommy and Frances. While she was too busy talking about god knows what, Tommy was still looking around. Olivia could only imagine who he was looking for, but she had a pretty good idea. This only proved that she was right. But she knew that other than giving y/n her input on the situation, she had to leave it to her. Even if it meant watching her crush into the wall of her mistakes. Then she'd pick her up and dry her tears but for now, she'll play along.

"Hey, guys. Frances, I thought you had already left." Addressing her directly, Olivia moved so that the University entrance where y/n was standing was not in their line of sight anymore. She didn't even bother hearing Frances' response, once she had checked that y/n had slipped away unnoticed, she quickly said her goodbyes.

"Oh would you look at the time, I need to go." And just like that, she left them and walked quickly over where her car was and where y/n was waiting for her. Unaware but unbothered by the two's reaction to her weird behaviour, Olivia almost laughed when she saw how y/n had tried to disguise herself.

"Are you running away from the law?" She snickered when y/n flinched at her sudden appearance but quickly unlocked the doors and slipped in all the same. At the same time Olivia pulled away from the parking lot, Tommy was realizing that there weren't any more people coming out of the building. So y/n had either not come to University at all that day, or she was avoiding him. There was no way that she'd walked out and not saw him standing there. As Frances kept talking about whatever, dread suddenly filled him as he realized that of course, she had seen him. Y/n had inevitably seen him and that meant that she had also seen him standing there with Frances. And even if he had only begun to know her a little, he could swear that y/n had most definitely misread the situation.

"Was y/n in today?" Tommy didn't even realize that he had interrupted her rudely, but he didn't even care if he had to be honest. 

"Yes, I haven't seen her since the last lesson ended though." Frances looked puzzled but Tommy got exactly what he wanted from her. He quickly excused himself and hurriedly climbed into the car. His phone automatically connected to the car via Bluetooth and he asked for it to call y/n as he tapped into the traffic. But of course, she didn't answer.

In a black Mini a few miles ahead, Olivia glanced down at y/n's phone when she saw the screen light up and shook her hand in disapproval when her friend denied the incoming call.

"You're making her win, you know," Olivia observed keeping her eyes on the traffic.

"It's not her Liv, I don't think there's anything I can do about it," y/n sounded resolute and defeated but it went over Olivia's head how could she be so blind and such a pushover.

"Listen y/n, I'm not saying that this is easy nor that it's all in your head because he was pretty open about it, right? What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter if he is attracted to her, you told him yourself that it's something we can't control. What should matter is who he is choosing to be with." Taking advantage of a red light she turned to y/n to make sure that her words got to her.

"Have you not seen them before? He's made his choice alright," y/n's voice trembled a little as she made this observation that, to her surprise, made her best friend snicker.

"Oh please, how blind are you? He was clearly waiting for you." Liv was stating the obvious in her point of view but y/n hadn't really thought about it that way.

"Do you think so?" She shyly asked her friend. Was it possible that she had misread the whole situation? In the meantime, Tommy was still calling her and she was still not answering. But she wasn't declining either. 

"You should really talk to him," Olivia suggested as Tommy's name appeared for the tenth time on her best friend's phone. Y/n stared at it while she pondered Liv's words.

And then she accepted the call.

"Y/n?" Tommy spoke as soon as he heard the call going through, "where are you? We need to talk, please."

Maybe Olivia was right, y/n thought, maybe she had got it all wrong. Tommy had never sounded so... desperate.

"I'm almost home, meet me there?" She proposed, nervously twisting the fabric of her jacket with her fingers. Tommy agreed and she ended the call under the approval of Liv's eyes.

Y/n didn't know if it had been the traffic being almost nonexistent or if Tommy had driven recklessly but they both arrived at the same time. While she thanked Liv for the lift and promised to call her later, Tommy parked in her driveway.

They started working towards each other at the same time but stopped a few feet away. In a stranger's eyes, they must have looked weird, standing like they were, a few feet away, staring at each other. 

"Listen-"

"So-"

Of course, true to their awkward selves, they spoke at the same time, cutting each other off. Strange as it may seem, it helped diffuse the tension a little since both of them found it amusing. Softly nodding her head, y/n prompted Tommy to talk first. It looked like whatever he had to say, he needed to get it off his chest. But why was it that now that he had her attention, none of the words he had previously prepared were coming out? Why were they stuck in the back of his throat? There was no reason to be nervous. He would explain everything and y/n would understand and forgive him.

Taking a deep breath he decided to start from the beginning and work from there.

"I know you've seen me with Frances early," he started tentatively. Eyes boring in hers, he tried to convey everything he was feeling through them. Y/n had always told him that he had expressive eyes, he hoped that they could help him now. When y/n nervously shifted on her feet and briefly looked away from him, he knew that it was her way of telling him that she did. So he moved onto the next point.

"And I know that you've probably misread the whole thing so I wanted to explain." He finished and y/n could see that he was being honest and how difficult this was for him at the same time. Tommy had never been very good with words but she didn't need a lengthy speech, she just needed him to answer two simple questions and then they could move on from this.

"I just need to know two things, Tommy," halting him from continuing, she straightened her shoulders as if she was getting ready to physically bear his answers in case they weren't what she was hoping to hear. He didn't let out any sound but internally, Tommy was grateful that she had taken the lead. He probably would have made a mess with his words and made things worse. Hiding his hands in the pocket of his hoodie to hide his nervous gestures, he grunted. Ask away, he was saying.

"Why were you outside my uni today?" Before she could turn back and shy away from this confrontation, y/n asked the question with a firm yet kind tone. She wasn't angry at him, not yet at least. She was just hurt by the possibility of him choosing Frances over her. But there was still a chance that that wasn't going to happen.

Furrowing his eyebrows in surprise, Tommy wasn't expecting that to be her first question. He answered her anyway, "I came to pick you up. Yesterday we agreed that we were going to talk today and I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible." He didn't mention how his heart had grown heavier since she had climbed out of his car the night before. And yet, that seemed to be what y/n wanted to hear. Her cheeks reddened slightly when Tommy admitted that he was yearning for reconciliation. Well, maybe yearning wasn't the right word to use but whatever. Even if y/n didn't know, it was actually spot on.

The second question was the one that would actually seal the deal, and no matter if she was a little more heartened by his first answer, she was still on edge.

"Who do you want to be with?" And there it was. As the words fell out of her mouth, she realized that this was the important thing. The only thing she needed to know and the only thing that truly mattered. Because whoever Tommy decided to be with, he was actively choosing her over any other woman that he could meet- hopefully. It meant that whatever attraction he may feel, now and in the future, it won't be acted upon. Because he had made his choice. 

It was a simple question but at the same time, it implied a more complex concept and Tommy was aware of that. He was slightly offended that she was doubting him, however, he knew where it was coming from after their last argument. He had never been really good at figuring out what she was thinking about, where her mind was at. Tommy had always considered y/n as a girl with a busy mind, thinking about nothing and a million things at the same time. In rare times of intimacy, she had admitted that most of the time, that was what brought her to self-sabotage. Because thinking was good and everyone should be able to think for themselves, she said, the problem is when you start overthinking. That's what always got her. So in a way, even from his clueless position on her thoughts' process, Tommy sensed that by focusing on two simple things, y/n was forcing her thoughts to simmer down. To not listen to the voices in her head that would paint a situation more dramatic than it really was and forcing herself to look at this in a rational way.

"I wanna be with you, y/n. I'm choosing you. Always." And just like that, with three simple sentences, y/n's mind was put at ease. No more voices whispering that she wasn't enough, that Tommy was better off without her, that he would soon leave her for someone better. Enough of that. Her boyfriend was here, standing in front of her, reassuring her, telling her that he wanted her. Only her. 

Once, y/n had read somewhere that when you smile or laugh it's because the body literally can't contain the happiness you're feeling. Looking into Tommy's eyes, she failed to contain her smile and she realized that it was actually true. And that wasn't the only thing she'd failed to do. After Tommy's admission, she couldn't bear to be apart from him anymore. Taking the last steps that divided them, her arms circled his neck and she held him close to her despite the height difference. As soon as he saw her reaching out, Tommy leaned into her and held her waist in a tight bear hug. As much as athletic Tommy was, after he'd bent like this for a while, his back would always start hurting. So, moving his hand to the back of y/n's legs, he bent his legs to lift her up. Neither of them seemed to be wanting to let go any sooner, so he made sure that both of them were comfortable and walked over the bench on y/n's house's patio. 

"I'm sorry I overreacted." She rested her face on his shoulder but even if her voice had come out muffled since it was still buried in his neck, Tommy heard her all the same. Leaning back so that he could see her, he quietly spoke next to her ear.

"I'm sorry I made you doubt yourself and us," being honest with her had led Tommy to hurt her feelings when it was the last thing he ever intended to do, "I have never thought of being with her, y/n, I swear," he added. Y/n knew that he was telling the truth, and that deep down this whole thing escalated because it resembled one of her worst fears. She slipped her hand on the back of his head and gently massaged the scalp there while he leaned his face on hers, his cheek on her forehead. Guilt was lacing his words despite her attempt to soothe him. 

"I trust you, Tommy, it's just- seeing her so into you and then you admitting that you found her attractive it seemed like the universe was trying to show me that we're not really meant to be," she admitted, secretly hinting at her fear. To say that Tommy was baffled was an understatement. Apparently, he was one of those boyfriends that never had a clue of what was going on because up until now he had been completely clueless about this insecurity of hers.

"Why do you think that?" 

"I'm not saying that we're not meant to be together," realizing that she might have expressed herself wrongly, she lifted her head so that they were face to face, "I wanna be with you and it seems that you want to be with me too and that's all that matters," she added hoping that the conversation would end there. They had just solved a problem, she didn't want to cause another. Unfortunately for her though, Tommy could feel that there was more that she wasn't saying.

"But?" he prompted her in vain. Looking at her hands in her lap, well his really, y/n avoided his eyes and his question.

"I thought you trusted me," he added when he saw that she was reluctant to speak.

"It's just that sometimes I wonder why you're with me," she whispered but given how close they were, she didn't need to speak louder for him to hear.

"What do you mean?" His eyebrows creased, letting the line between them come through. It seemed that today her goal was to make him more and more confused.

"C'mon Tommy, you can't be that clueless," she scolded him getting restless on his lap. Refusing to let her get away with this and climb off of him, he gripped her waist gently to keep her in place. 

"Tell me," staring hard at her face, she was still not facing him, he encouraged her to speak. Letting out an exasperated sigh, she finally gave in. 

"You're way out of my league Tommy, even a blind person can see that."

Okay, now Tommy was absolutely stunned. What was she on about? He knew that she wasn't the most confident girl but he didn't realize she thought so little of herself.

"I could say the same thing about you, you know," he pointed out what was a totally obvious thing for him but, judging by the expression on her face, it wasn't for her. Actually, her face expressed a mixture of surprise and anger? It was her "do you think I'm stupid?" face.

"I'm serious," shrugging his shoulders and tightening his grip on her. Nothing but honesty in his eyes. Y/n could see that but her insecurities run too deep for her to really consider what he was saying to be true.

"You're way too smart for me. With all the things you know, all the books you read, I'm constantly asking myself why you're with me." If there was one thing that Tommy and y/n had in common was that they both would rather do anything else than talk about themselves and their feelings. Let's say that they didn't like being under the spotlight. However, for the right reasons- or rather for the right person, they could manage to endure it. Like in this case. Tommy could set aside his reservation to open up just as she did. "There's nothing much I can give you," he added softly searching for her eyes that, this time, were searching for his as well.

Her heart swelled in her chest at his confession while she smiled fondly at him. Tommy never ceased to amaze her. How could he doubt himself? Not only a good-looking guy but a good guy in general. Genuinely a good guy. Her hands found their way back to his neck, holding it gently while she spoke.

"That's not true, Tommy," she assured him, her thumb lightly stroking his lower lip.

"Just like those things you said ain't either," he argued before leaving a kiss on her finger, eye contact never broken. Taking his words in, y/n finally understood. It wasn't a matter of what was true or not. What was the truth anyway? Isn't it everything subjective after all? Just like their perception of themselves. What they thought about themselves, wasn't necessarily shared by others. It was almost never shared, actually. What was that saying? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

Leaning down, their foreheads touched while she gave him an eskimo kiss.

"It's all in our heads, isn't it?"

"It is," he agreed on her lips.

"Let's make a promise then," pulling away just enough so that she wasn't talking on his mouth but still keeping a soft tone she continued, "in order to avoid something like this to happen again, whenever we're dealing with our insecurities, we speak about it. I want you to come to me whenever you're thinking like this and I'll do the same," she proposed. "I know it's not going to be easy. But I really want this to work and I think this will help," she added before he could object.

Of course, it wasn't going to be easy. Neither of them was really keen on opening up and they both knew that. However, y/n was right, Tommy knew that however hard it'd be for him, he'd do it all the same if that meant avoiding the last few days from repeating ever again.

"I want this to work too," he conceded implicitly sealing the promise, "can I have a kiss now?" he then asked with a slight smirk. Chuckling, y/n didn't need for him to say it again. Closing the space between them, she placed her lips on his for a very much needed kiss. His hand trailed up in her hair to keep her in place as the kiss grew more intense. It was basically the PG-13 version of make up sex. Well, seeing how their tongues were enjoying themselves, maybe it wasn't PG-13 that much but still, both of them would agree that sealing a deal had never felt this good. 


End file.
